sunnuntai 3. elokuuta 2008

laws of attraction

I guess it wasn't really right
I guess it wasn't meant to be
It didn't matter what they said

'Cause we were good in bed
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons
No, it didn't matter what I tried
It's just a little hard to leave
When you're going down on me
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons

Nickelback – fight for all the wrong reasons

That’s my song for tonight. I find myself once again bound to the one person I should’ve left behind ages ago but who I’m still addicted to. It’s funny, really, how we can do practically anything to each other and yet we still always get back together. It’s not love, no, it’s just some sort of fucked up friendship/addiction/affection.

I guess I really used to care for him once. I even thought I was in love and then got my heart broken when he treated me like shit. Now, however, I’ve learned to see things for what they really are. I don’t have any illusions concerning our ‘relationship’ and, surprisingly, I’m happier this way. It’s just so easy. We get along better than well, the sex is good and we trust each other. What more could a girl want?

Being with him is thrilling because he’s the type of a guy who has absolutely no morals. What we do is indecent but we couldn’t care less because it feels good and it’s so much fun and makes us feel alive. We tried a ‘real relationship’ once but it didn’t work, I never felt like I do now. I guess we’re both just too commitment phobic or maybe too similar, it just wasn’t right.

In a way it’s scary that this has been going on for 2 years now. I really don’t even know what it is that attracts me to him, there’s just this… this strange pull that makes me want him. One of the reasons why I’m so picky when it comes to boyfriends or such is that I’m always searching for that special something. I’ve been out with some really nice and perfect guys but the sparks have always been missing. With him, however, I can feel the sparks. Lately they’ve calmed down a bit as we’ve both grown up and we’re more like friends but they’re still there. I’m so used to having those sparks that I won’t settle for anything less and it’s a bit frightening because I know this can’t go on forever – and I wouldn’t even want it to.

I’m probably seeing him on Wednesday. I don’t know if it’s a good idea but frankly, I don’t care. I want to get laid and I think I may even miss him a bit. He’s totally bad for me but so what? We ought to have fun while we can, right?

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