lauantai 2. toukokuuta 2009

love illusion

My t-shirt from last night smells like him. My bed sheets and pillows smell like him and now as I try to sleep, all I can think about is him and the night when I finally got what I had wanted for so long.

What is it that makes certain people simply so irresistible? Why are emotions so uncontrollable? I wish I could be as cold and uncaring as I usually am. I wish I could just forget about him or play with him like I do with others. But I can’t. There’s something about him that just... draws me to him. When I’m with him, I feel so happy that it’s almost scary. I feel like I can be myself with him.

I have absolutely no idea what he wants from me or what he thinks about me. We’ve been friends for a couple of months already but yesterday we finally took that decisive step away from pure friendship and to be honest, I have no idea whether it was a good or a bad thing. If I let myself get carried away and get my hopes up, I know I’ll end up getting hurt. Like I always do.

It’s just that... I can’t stop thinking about him! Ugh. I hate this.

Now for something a bit more positive... I’ve lost weight. Or actually I don’t know if I have really lost any kilos but I have definitely toned up. I can feel my ribs and my collar bones show pretty nicely. I don’t look sick, I look really healthy. Plus, I’ve stuck to my diet really well so I think I’ll lose a bit more before my graduation. I want to look as good as possible, to show my relatives that it’s possible to be PERFECT.