lauantai 27. syyskuuta 2008

the Guy and my black eye

My weekend has so far been pretty wild… I was in Helsinki, we stayed in a hotel with this guy, met up with people we hadn’t met before, partied like hell and had an awesome time.

I don’t really know what to think about the Guy (I’ll call him that for now). He’s nice, funny, ok-looking and everything and last night we sort of had sex. Or rather tried to. It didn’t really work out because I hit my head to a lamp and now I have a black eye and a wound next to my left eye. It bled like crazy, the sheets were spotted with blood and the towels I used to stop the bleeding were a bloody mess!

I’m never drinking again because it seems that something always happens to me. Things just have a tendency of getting out of hand and I always end up injured one way or another. Lol, it sucks so bad.

But yeah, back to the Guy. We had so much fun and he told me he really liked me and all. I don’t know what to think about it. Am I ready for something serious? Am I ready to take the risks I talked about earlier? As you can see, I’m stuck pondering the same questions again and again. Now I feel like I want to give him a chance. It’s not every day that I find myself liking someone this much.

I’m just afraid that I’ll end up getting hurt. I’ve had such bad experiences with relationships that I’m almost 100% sure that something will go wrong and it won’t work out and I’ll be left with my heart broken (oh my god how sentimental I sound right now!) once again. But I guess the only way to find out is to take the risk and you never know, it might all turn out great.

I hate this waiting-part. Waiting for him to call/text, waiting for him to say something that might give me some idea of what he’s thinking… I know I should just call or text him myself but I have to admit: I’m a coward when it comes to this sort of stuff. One night stands, friendships, dealing with people I don’t like – a piece of cake. When I actually like someone, it’s so different because I’m not used to it. I’ve never been tamed, so to speak, so I don’t know how it happens.

I’m not even thinking about other guys right now. Usually I at least keep my eyes open and so forth but now I just think about him and it’s so weird.

But ok, enough about my love life. I’m just making it too complicated by thinking about it too much.

My eating has taken a turn for worse once again. I skip meals, make up excuses so I don’t have to eat, I panic if my calories go over 1300kcal. It’s sick, I know, and it shouldn’t be like that but I can’t help it. I can’t even say that I got too much time on my hands like I did during the summer. I’m really busy with everything but yet I always make time to calculate exactly what and how much I’ve eaten. My weight has dropped a bit which is great. I was even wearing this little “top” (or actually it’s more like a bra) yesterday and walking around in it and sweat pants because for once I felt like I can show off my stomach. The Guy was even stroking it this morning and I didn’t even mind or feel fat. Still I want and I need to lose some more weight.

1 kommentti:

Nessa kirjoitti...

Nii, eihän sitä voi tietää ennenkuin kokeilee. Ja veikkaan, että se "tylsyys" ei iske ihan heti, vaikuttaa tuo poika sen verran kiehtovalta tapaukselta, ja kun et muitakaan vilkuile, niin ilotulitteet vaan oottaa kaapissa hetkeään.. ;) mutta, ei tietenkään jos ei tunnu hyvältä, ei itseään voi pakottaa vaikka kuinka tekis mieli. Eihän siitä tule mitään.

Mä oon kattonu noita dokkareita tosiaan useamman kerran, mutta en kyllä ole sen pahemmin saanut siitä mitään suurta pakkomiellettä tehdä perässä tai vahdata hirveästi tekemisiäni tai ruokiani - sen enempää mitä nyt. Mutta katselen niitä ehkä siksi niin innokkaasti ja paljon, koska ihailen niiden naisten tahdonlujuutta! Vaikka siis, niin metodit on AIVAN TÄYSIN vääriä, mutta ideahan on osoittaa just kuinka EI pidä laihduttaa -> mitä terveyshaittoja yms seuraa. Mutta en voi olla ihailematta tuloksia tai rautaista tahtoa. Mutta ymmärrän kyllä miten noista voi jotkut ns. herkemmin vaikutteita ottavat saada päähänsä, että "minä kans!" tai muuten ruveta turhan hysteerisesti vahtaan laihdutustaan.. Ei sinänsä hyvä.