torstai 24. heinäkuuta 2008

Turning points

I miss my friends. It’s been 5 weeks now that I’ve been trapped here at my parents’ house in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier, but my leg is broken and right now I couldn’t live alone so that’s why I’m here. I’m just so frustrated and I miss everyone and everything so bad that it hurts.

In a way I’m happy that I can now concentrate fully on school stuff and losing weight so that I’ll look good when I go back home but… let’s just say that I’m not the type of a girl who spends her nights at home watching TV. I’m just not used to this.

This experience (the accident, breaking my leg) has taught me a lot though. Now I can appreciate everything I before took for granted. A simple thing like walking… Oh my God I would give everything just to be able to walk again! Or to bend my knee. Or to wear high heels. Though I know this is nothing compared to what could’ve happened, I mean if I had hit the wall at a different angle, I would be dead or paralyzed now, but still these 5 weeks have been really hard.

I guess this was inevitable, though. Maybe if you don’t know how to calm down yourself, something has to happen to make you calm down, take a step back and reconsider your choices. I’ve sure as hell done that… Though I can honestly say that I don’t regret anything. I made the choice to bum a ride from that guy but it was a choice I would’ve probably made in any circumstances. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any “what if”-thoughts because I do. Sometimes I lie awake for hours, thinking about what I should’ve done and what could’ve been. That’s pointless, I know, but I guess it’s also natural.

I just want everything to go back to normal, I want my life back. It’s going to take at least another 5 weeks, probably even more, before I can move like I used to though my leg is never going be completely ‘normal’. I’m not exactly sure yet what was the lesson I’m supposed to learn from this but maybe I’ll find out eventually. At least, like I said, I’ve learned to appreciate what I have (or rather, had). So dear readers (if I got any), I suggest you all do voluntarily what I was forced to do… Take a step back and take a look at your life. It’s not that bad, is it?

Ei kommentteja: