torstai 29. tammikuuta 2009

End of an era

Believe it or not, this bachelorette has been tamed.

I’ve been going out with the same guy for the past month and I still like him. I don’t know what happened – I mean, I wasn’t supposed to get myself a boyfriend. I wasn’t supposed to get attached to anyone. But you know how these things just... happen. When you least expect it.

I wasn’t so sure about him in the beginning but now that he’s been away up north for a few days (he’ll be there for a month) and I suddenly noticed I actually MISSED him, I realized that I might care about him. Just a little bit. But this is so weird. The only person I’ve ever really missed was my best friend when she moved to the other side of the world. Or well, I did miss my ex every now and then, but it was nothing like this. It was desperate and hopeless, whereas the feeling I have now every time I think about my guy... it’s this warm, funny feeling. And honestly, I’m not the “warm, funny feeling” type.

But yeah... Actually many things have changed lately. For one, I’ve come to terms with all the issues I previously had with food and everything. Secondly, I’ve found this strange balance between school and life. It might be due to the fact that I only have about 2 months left but still, everything seems so much easier nowadays and despite living a normal life, I still get things done and don’t even stress about them that much. I’d say I’m getting pretty close to my ideal self. Finally.

Also I’ve begun the mental process of detaching myself from Finland. It wasn’t even a conscious decision but somehow I find myself thinking about things differently than before. I’m not chained to anything and I think I’m now just beginning to realize it. Even though, like I said, I’m in a relationship now, I still feel much freer than before. All this university stuff and graduation being just a couple of months away has made me realize just how great and big the world is. Sounds sentimental, but I’d say I’ve come to terms with everything that’s going on in my life.

Maybe all this could be expressed more simply by just saying that I’m finally happy. Yeah. That’s what it must be. This is happiness J

2 kommenttia:

Nessa kirjoitti...

Sori en ole ihan kaikkia viimeisimpiä postauksiasi kunnolla lukenut mutta pääsitkö siis sinne haluamaasi paikkaan opiskelemaan? :) jos pääsit, niin jatkatko kuitenkin blogin kirjoittamista elämästäsi siellä? se olis tosi mielenkiintoista omasta mielestäni ;)

ღ Crystal kirjoitti...

Being satisfied with yourself is a great achivement. Tulisinpa minäkin jotenki sinuiksi itseni kanssa . :s