keskiviikko 29. lokakuuta 2008

The end of innocence

The Ex started talking to me yesterday on facebook. It was so random. We haven't talked in about 3 months and now it was suddenly like we were good friends or something! I know exactly what he wants and what he aims at but still it kinda caught me off guard.

I don't know what to think about him. I don't think I have any feelings for him anymore but if I see him and we have fun (like we always do), I might fall for him again. I know that it's a risk I definitely shouldn't take but part of me wants to. It's the old pattern once again... I get my ass kicked by other guys, what do I do? I go back to the Ex and get my ass kicked by him. Healthy? No.

I honestly don't know what it is that makes me go back to him time and time again. He's got charisma, that's for sure, and we have a long history but you'd think I'd learned something during the years I've spent with him. You'd think I knew by now that he's sooo not good for me. Maybe I want him because we're so alike. Selfish and shrewd, that's what we are. Plus, he's leaving in 6 months. I'm leaving in 7-8 months.

I remember when we first met. It was about 2 years ago, on my balcony at my house party. He slept over and we spent the whole night just talking and laughing. If I could go back in time, I would go back to that night and the weeks that followed it. I wouldn't get so attached to him and I wouldn't be so naive. Though then again, would it change anything? Would I just be left with one great experience less?

I have to say that I don't really regret the time I spent with him. I learned a lot, mainly about how love is not all sunshine and daisies. Maybe I became even too cynical, learning to build a wall around my heart so I wouldn't get hurt again. Even if I hadn't met him, I would probably have done the same mistakes with someone else. It would've taken more time but I would have grown up all the same.

I've never been known for being cautious or for thinking things through before doing something. That might be why... well, I might be seeing him on Saturday.

1 kommentti:

Nessa kirjoitti...

Hei hienoa! :D
Joo, ihan kääntämällä ja saan aikaseks ihan kunnon kiharat, kiharuus riippuu kuinka kuumalla rauta on. Nää kiharat vois olla tehty ihan oikealla kihartimella tai papiljoteilla/vastaavilla. Ehkä sun tekniikka ontuu? Harmi kun mulla ei ole kameraa, olisin voinut näyttää miten mä nää kiharani teen.. Tosin voihan se hiuslaadustakin olla kai kiinni, mutta kyllä ainakin kuumimmalla teholla pitäis itsepäisemmätkin hiukset kiharaan saada :)